1. There are friends and then there are FRIENDS.
2. Family become friends and friends become family.
3. Timing of phone calls are never more perfect.
4. There are no perfect phone calls.
5. There are moments and then there are MOMENTS.
6. Laughter can interrupt tears and tears can interrupt laughter.
7. Laughter can come from tears and tears can come from laughter.
8. Memories from the past are bittersweet but memories from the present can be bitter or sweet.
9. Looking too far into the future is disastrous but not looking into the future is dangerous.
10. Honoring my brother with others is honoring my brother. period.
11. A smile can be a smile but if it doesn't reach my eyes just hang with me,it will again.
12. Life is precious,take every moment to enjoy.
13. A supportive husband is one of life's precious gifts. Honor your spouse.
14. Normal is for someone else, a new normal is what we have.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Dad would be proud........
This is the anniversary of my dad's passing away and it is never an easy day for me. I miss him so much. I wish he could see my girls and how they are 4 years later.
He would be so proud of Melissa getting accepted into college. He always knew she would go and be successful in whatever career she chooses. I believe it too. He would love to be here at her high school graduation.
He would just love our life here.
He would love to see Jill with her kids. Man, how he would love Bella. He would be proud of Jill for her triumphs. He would approve of her boyfriend. He would be amazed at Ethan and his changes with his autism. Noah would make him laugh.
He would be proud of Mike and I in being the best parents and grandparents we know how to be.
He would be so proud of my brother Scott in how he watches out for his mom and little sister. Scott has tried to think WWBD? What would Bob do LOL Odds are it makes Scott stop in his thoughts and actions. Whatever happens next would make Dad proud.
God, I miss him.
I wish God would let people in heaven see all the good things about the ones they love. To see the milestones. But I am so very thankful God knows what He is doing and people in heaven can not see down here. They wouldn't be able to see the good without feeling sorrow so God didn't make heaven that way. I do not know how to explain when I "feel" my dad's presence or maybe see him in a dream other then God is providing me comfort. I don't need an explanation really. I am just glad to feel it.
While today is not an easy day, it is a day of remembrance. Remember I will. Now and every day after today.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Do not forgive....it is not yours to forgive.....
I knew when I started getting my thoughts together for this blog that they may not be what others think but since it is my blog and my thoughts I am going to express and I believe it is ok for you not to agree. Just glad you are taking the time to read it.
Since the CT shooting I have heard a lot of people talk about how we need to forgive the shooter. God gives us forgiveness and so we need to forgive others but honestly in my opinion,it is not our right to forgive this man.
Who are we? We are not family,friends or relatives of the victims. We are people who are angry and sad that 20 children and 6 adults lost their lives,true. But this man did not do this horrific crime to us therefore, I do not believe we have the right or privilege to forgive. I think that is inserting ourselves into a private matter that belongs to the loved ones.
We need to pray for the family and friends of all involved. We need to pray they can move passed their anger,heartache and yes, possibly, forgive. But think about it, how many times have you read something on the news about a killing,a kidnapping, an arsonist or a thief. Do you tell yourself you need to work on forgiveness towards them? Is it because these precious children lived in our nation? What about the man who stabbed 23 children in China on the same day as this shooting? Are you telling yourself you need to work on forgiving him? What about all of the other children in this world who suffer at the hands of terrorists? Did you know about the stabbings in China? He went into an elementary school as well. All of these children need our prayers. All of their families need our prayers.
But I believe if the act was not done to you,your family or someone you love-you do not have the right to insert yourself into the act of forgiveness. That makes you getting into the middle of something just to what? feel better? We will eventually go on with our lives, these families have a lifetime of heartache.
So be mad,sad,horrified, send money to the CT funds,yell at God,drop to your knees and pray,hug your loved ones tighter but leave the thought of needing to forgive to those who truly need to work on it if they can even find it in their hearts to do so.
Someone asked me if I could forgive if it happened to one of my children or grandchildren. My answer was I do not believe I am that good of a person to do so. I would like to think I could because that is what God wants me to do but honestly I am not sure how I could find it in my soul. Maybe. Maybe I would because my kids would want me to,maybe I would because God wants me to but if I didn't, God would still love me. God forgives. God loves.
I do believe this man is in hell. He did not ask Jesus to be his savior prior to shooting himself,that I can almost guaranty you.
There is one way into heaven,accepting Jesus as your savior. Takes only a couple of minutes but it takes strength,courage and a lot of work to hang in there during times that we do not understand. I am not going to try to say I understand why all of this was allowed, I even said to Mike, couldn't have God had him just die in a fatal wreck on way to the school? Yeah, I'm kinda ticked at God that He didn't. But God is my Father and just like my dad, He can handle what I dish out. He knows I will stop being mad and that I know He will still love me.
See? I told you it may not be what you think, it may even sound cynical or cold. I am not sure how it will come across. I just know I needed to express it.
Wishing everyone a Merry and safe Christmas!
S
Since the CT shooting I have heard a lot of people talk about how we need to forgive the shooter. God gives us forgiveness and so we need to forgive others but honestly in my opinion,it is not our right to forgive this man.
Who are we? We are not family,friends or relatives of the victims. We are people who are angry and sad that 20 children and 6 adults lost their lives,true. But this man did not do this horrific crime to us therefore, I do not believe we have the right or privilege to forgive. I think that is inserting ourselves into a private matter that belongs to the loved ones.
We need to pray for the family and friends of all involved. We need to pray they can move passed their anger,heartache and yes, possibly, forgive. But think about it, how many times have you read something on the news about a killing,a kidnapping, an arsonist or a thief. Do you tell yourself you need to work on forgiveness towards them? Is it because these precious children lived in our nation? What about the man who stabbed 23 children in China on the same day as this shooting? Are you telling yourself you need to work on forgiving him? What about all of the other children in this world who suffer at the hands of terrorists? Did you know about the stabbings in China? He went into an elementary school as well. All of these children need our prayers. All of their families need our prayers.
But I believe if the act was not done to you,your family or someone you love-you do not have the right to insert yourself into the act of forgiveness. That makes you getting into the middle of something just to what? feel better? We will eventually go on with our lives, these families have a lifetime of heartache.
So be mad,sad,horrified, send money to the CT funds,yell at God,drop to your knees and pray,hug your loved ones tighter but leave the thought of needing to forgive to those who truly need to work on it if they can even find it in their hearts to do so.
Someone asked me if I could forgive if it happened to one of my children or grandchildren. My answer was I do not believe I am that good of a person to do so. I would like to think I could because that is what God wants me to do but honestly I am not sure how I could find it in my soul. Maybe. Maybe I would because my kids would want me to,maybe I would because God wants me to but if I didn't, God would still love me. God forgives. God loves.
I do believe this man is in hell. He did not ask Jesus to be his savior prior to shooting himself,that I can almost guaranty you.
There is one way into heaven,accepting Jesus as your savior. Takes only a couple of minutes but it takes strength,courage and a lot of work to hang in there during times that we do not understand. I am not going to try to say I understand why all of this was allowed, I even said to Mike, couldn't have God had him just die in a fatal wreck on way to the school? Yeah, I'm kinda ticked at God that He didn't. But God is my Father and just like my dad, He can handle what I dish out. He knows I will stop being mad and that I know He will still love me.
See? I told you it may not be what you think, it may even sound cynical or cold. I am not sure how it will come across. I just know I needed to express it.
Wishing everyone a Merry and safe Christmas!
S
Friday, October 26, 2012
Therapy is like a car tune up......
You know how it is...you go for a tune up for your car and they can find other things that need fixing. Well, it me that is what therapy is like.....
I wanted my daughter Melissa go see a therapist just to make sure she was ready for the world of adulthood,going to college,etc. I wanted to make sure she was emotionally healthy. She laughed and said I will go but all I will do is complain about you and Mike. So we laughed and said fine, just get our moneys worth! It was a tune up visit....
Only the therapist wanted to talk to me alone next. Then the 2 of us would go in to speak with her together. So come to find out not only do I need a tune up but my windshield wipers need replace, my timing belt is definitely off, all of my fluids are low and come to think of it...the engine is running strangely. :-/ But good news is Melissa is fine! HA!
I am glad. I need therapy. It helped me in the past many years ago and definitely is helping me now.
We have only had a few sessions but the things I am learning in there and on my own is helping my thought process. I need help and am not afraid to admit it. Back to my first posting "Be brave"
Do I want to rehash or look at things I may not want to? Heck flippin no! My childhood was a conflicting one...full of great memories and just as full of terrible ones. Even my adulthood has been less then desirable for the first half of it. I especially don't wanna deal with my own failings or personality defects in the present. BUT if I am ever going to get rid of my mild depression,my anxiety and maybe some of my defects then I have to do the work. Work is work no matter whether it is a job, house chores or explaining into your mind. Work sucks. Work can be beneficial, rewarding.
Victorious.
I have overcome a lot in my life. I have dealt with my junk before. But it never hurts to have fresh eyes of a therapist to help you see better. Does it mean those of us in therapy are less of a woman or man? That we are crazy. Nope, in fact I believe those who go to a therapist for a tune up or more, are brave. We are better people because we ARE willing to deal with and fix things that might not only effect us but our families.
If your car was making terrible noises you would get it to a mechanic right away. If your family is making terrible noises in your ear about how you need to get check out, just do it. Do it for them but above all do it for yourself. You will be so glad you did.
I wanted my daughter Melissa go see a therapist just to make sure she was ready for the world of adulthood,going to college,etc. I wanted to make sure she was emotionally healthy. She laughed and said I will go but all I will do is complain about you and Mike. So we laughed and said fine, just get our moneys worth! It was a tune up visit....
Only the therapist wanted to talk to me alone next. Then the 2 of us would go in to speak with her together. So come to find out not only do I need a tune up but my windshield wipers need replace, my timing belt is definitely off, all of my fluids are low and come to think of it...the engine is running strangely. :-/ But good news is Melissa is fine! HA!
I am glad. I need therapy. It helped me in the past many years ago and definitely is helping me now.
We have only had a few sessions but the things I am learning in there and on my own is helping my thought process. I need help and am not afraid to admit it. Back to my first posting "Be brave"
Do I want to rehash or look at things I may not want to? Heck flippin no! My childhood was a conflicting one...full of great memories and just as full of terrible ones. Even my adulthood has been less then desirable for the first half of it. I especially don't wanna deal with my own failings or personality defects in the present. BUT if I am ever going to get rid of my mild depression,my anxiety and maybe some of my defects then I have to do the work. Work is work no matter whether it is a job, house chores or explaining into your mind. Work sucks. Work can be beneficial, rewarding.
Victorious.
I have overcome a lot in my life. I have dealt with my junk before. But it never hurts to have fresh eyes of a therapist to help you see better. Does it mean those of us in therapy are less of a woman or man? That we are crazy. Nope, in fact I believe those who go to a therapist for a tune up or more, are brave. We are better people because we ARE willing to deal with and fix things that might not only effect us but our families.
If your car was making terrible noises you would get it to a mechanic right away. If your family is making terrible noises in your ear about how you need to get check out, just do it. Do it for them but above all do it for yourself. You will be so glad you did.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Guilt Quilt....
So I have this quilt made of guilt. Obviously not a real one but one I have made up recently.
This quilt has squares of different things I feel guilty about throughout my life. Picture a quilt. Each square is normally lovingly handmade. Stitched together carefully and almost all quilts are exquisitely beautiful.
Now picture my quilt-maybe each piece has a word, a face or an action. Stitched together so intricately that they just seamlessly go together. This is a big quilt. And actually if you were to lift it, it would be quite heavy.....lead inside each square.
I am learning though that some of these squares do not belong to me. Somehow someone else's action or words got stitched into my quilt. But because the stitches are so well done, I am feeling the guilt.
I do not know when or what happened to make the first square or to have it be so woven into my life that the size and weight of this quilt has gotten too much to hold onto.
I have always heard guilt is Satan's way of stealing your joy. Guilt is of the devil,etc Well, if I didn't feel guilt about some things, I would think I had no conscience. BUT feeling guilty for things I shouldn't whether it be because I made a decision that is good for me but bad for someone else or someones actions make me feel guilty by association-that is Satan stealing my joy. Or maybe I made a mistake, for which I might think that others are thinking bad of me for and in fact they aren't.
So here is what I am doing with this quilt- I am working on removing it from my lap and laying it down at the feet of Jesus. As this heavy leaden quilt slips from my hands and makes its way over I will be reaching for a blanket. This blanket is so soft,so light, extremely beautiful in color and is full of joy inside. Blankets are loved on by an early age and carried until worn out. Mothers hate even throwing away their child's "blankey" because it brought joy and comfort to their child which in turn gave joy to the moms. It is THAT kind of blanket that I will embrace.
I was given a gift recently by a woman who I had never met, yet our lives are intertwined for several months right now. My guilt has been just so heavy in my heart and there was no way to let it go because I didn't know her. Her gift to me was to come up to me the other night at our first sighting and to say, I do not blame you. Do not feel guilty or bad...there is enough we have to deal with that you do not need to feel guilty or bad, LET IT GO. I was crying and thanking her-this was the start of the quilt leaving me....this gift by a stranger.
I am a good person, a child of God and no longer want to carry around this quilt. Several squares are already gone.......many more to go as well.
This quilt has squares of different things I feel guilty about throughout my life. Picture a quilt. Each square is normally lovingly handmade. Stitched together carefully and almost all quilts are exquisitely beautiful.
Now picture my quilt-maybe each piece has a word, a face or an action. Stitched together so intricately that they just seamlessly go together. This is a big quilt. And actually if you were to lift it, it would be quite heavy.....lead inside each square.
I am learning though that some of these squares do not belong to me. Somehow someone else's action or words got stitched into my quilt. But because the stitches are so well done, I am feeling the guilt.
I do not know when or what happened to make the first square or to have it be so woven into my life that the size and weight of this quilt has gotten too much to hold onto.
I have always heard guilt is Satan's way of stealing your joy. Guilt is of the devil,etc Well, if I didn't feel guilt about some things, I would think I had no conscience. BUT feeling guilty for things I shouldn't whether it be because I made a decision that is good for me but bad for someone else or someones actions make me feel guilty by association-that is Satan stealing my joy. Or maybe I made a mistake, for which I might think that others are thinking bad of me for and in fact they aren't.
So here is what I am doing with this quilt- I am working on removing it from my lap and laying it down at the feet of Jesus. As this heavy leaden quilt slips from my hands and makes its way over I will be reaching for a blanket. This blanket is so soft,so light, extremely beautiful in color and is full of joy inside. Blankets are loved on by an early age and carried until worn out. Mothers hate even throwing away their child's "blankey" because it brought joy and comfort to their child which in turn gave joy to the moms. It is THAT kind of blanket that I will embrace.
I was given a gift recently by a woman who I had never met, yet our lives are intertwined for several months right now. My guilt has been just so heavy in my heart and there was no way to let it go because I didn't know her. Her gift to me was to come up to me the other night at our first sighting and to say, I do not blame you. Do not feel guilty or bad...there is enough we have to deal with that you do not need to feel guilty or bad, LET IT GO. I was crying and thanking her-this was the start of the quilt leaving me....this gift by a stranger.
I am a good person, a child of God and no longer want to carry around this quilt. Several squares are already gone.......many more to go as well.
Therefore my heart is glad and
my glory [my inner self] rejoices; my body too shall rest and confidently dwell
in safety. Psalm 16: 9
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Move to a small town! No, wait..stay where you are!!!!
I love small town living. Period. End of Story. I will never want to live in a "city" or larger town again.I have been here 8 years now and my town has grown from 8,400 to almost 11k in last year's census. If it gets any bigger, I might wanna move. :)
Now, we do not live in a little rinky dink 1 store kinda town but coming from Virginia Beach(pop. 432,000 in 2004) to here was a big change. A lovely change.
I mean, it is things like not standing in the post office but for a few minutes even at Christmas time that I appreciate. I can run my errands within a 3 mile radius on most days without having to sit in VA Beach Blvd traffic making my errand time quadruple.
Don't get me wrong, I miss my family and friends from there. But the lines in traffic,post office,DMV,grocery store,etc is what I do not miss.Crime,houses close together,bass booming from cars...those things I do not miss. As I type I actually hear crickets and a cow mooing! Ha!
I have learned that Friday night High School football games can be the main attraction...traffic gets busy then. But I never grow tired of the hand made signs from the teens hanging at local business..taunting the team coming to play against them. I live near a high school(only 2 in the whole town) and enjoy hearing the marching band practice outside.
Hometown parades are fun for many and happen a couple of times a year in this town.
I love seeing deer going into the woods,or at the odd times running down my street or grazing in my front yard.
Sure,we have a gas station just off the interstate called Nervous Charlies with a giant gorilla statue by the front door. Why is Charlie Nervous and why is there is gorilla???? I dunno...but you can gas your car,buy cigarettes AND fireworks all at the same time! But we now have a Walmart too, huge deal when that was built.
I have talked to people who tell me how it was before I moved here-wish I could have seen it then and watched it grow to where it is now. Not sure I want it to grow too much more, too many people cause more problems.
Only 2 murders have occurred in White House since crime started being recorded many years ago. 2 TOTAL.....people can change that type of stat. I do acknowledge we have had 2 bank robberies and 1 jewelry store robbed over the last few years but that can be a daily occurrence in larger cities or towns.
So many people from here love the beach. I love mountains. So maybe there is always that yearning for something different then where we are, I don't know.
So while I really think when you hit 40ish you should move to a small town and enjoy life at a less stressful slower lazy kinda rate...I am thinking that there is another town for you. I like my town just the size and way it is...sweet,beautiful with a certain charm,new mixed with old,more churches then grocery stores and a dash of redneck tossed in.
It is definitely a "Watertower Town" if only we had an old main street to stroll on.
P.S. I swear the sky is bluer and the grass is greener here. :)
Now, we do not live in a little rinky dink 1 store kinda town but coming from Virginia Beach(pop. 432,000 in 2004) to here was a big change. A lovely change.
I mean, it is things like not standing in the post office but for a few minutes even at Christmas time that I appreciate. I can run my errands within a 3 mile radius on most days without having to sit in VA Beach Blvd traffic making my errand time quadruple.
Don't get me wrong, I miss my family and friends from there. But the lines in traffic,post office,DMV,grocery store,etc is what I do not miss.Crime,houses close together,bass booming from cars...those things I do not miss. As I type I actually hear crickets and a cow mooing! Ha!
I have learned that Friday night High School football games can be the main attraction...traffic gets busy then. But I never grow tired of the hand made signs from the teens hanging at local business..taunting the team coming to play against them. I live near a high school(only 2 in the whole town) and enjoy hearing the marching band practice outside.
Hometown parades are fun for many and happen a couple of times a year in this town.
I love seeing deer going into the woods,or at the odd times running down my street or grazing in my front yard.
Sure,we have a gas station just off the interstate called Nervous Charlies with a giant gorilla statue by the front door. Why is Charlie Nervous and why is there is gorilla???? I dunno...but you can gas your car,buy cigarettes AND fireworks all at the same time! But we now have a Walmart too, huge deal when that was built.
I have talked to people who tell me how it was before I moved here-wish I could have seen it then and watched it grow to where it is now. Not sure I want it to grow too much more, too many people cause more problems.
Only 2 murders have occurred in White House since crime started being recorded many years ago. 2 TOTAL.....people can change that type of stat. I do acknowledge we have had 2 bank robberies and 1 jewelry store robbed over the last few years but that can be a daily occurrence in larger cities or towns.
So many people from here love the beach. I love mountains. So maybe there is always that yearning for something different then where we are, I don't know.
So while I really think when you hit 40ish you should move to a small town and enjoy life at a less stressful slower lazy kinda rate...I am thinking that there is another town for you. I like my town just the size and way it is...sweet,beautiful with a certain charm,new mixed with old,more churches then grocery stores and a dash of redneck tossed in.
It is definitely a "Watertower Town" if only we had an old main street to stroll on.
P.S. I swear the sky is bluer and the grass is greener here. :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend's nose!
I love my friends! If there is one thing I do right in life besides my kids, it is picking friends.
I have always had a great choice of friends in my life. I made better choices of friends then I did men through the years(current hubby excluded, of course!). But I kinda take that for granted...I just always sorta thought everyone made lots of friends.
As an adult I have learned that it isn't so easy for many. Trust issues get in the way. Self esteem issues make us hesitant. But most of all, I think people screw up other people,leave damage in their wake and could care less. People can be damaging and damaged. That really makes me sad because I truly love people. Always have, I now believe that is God's love shining through me, God wants us to love people. To show people His love.
I wish everyone had a best friend. I wish everyone could laugh til they pee. I wish everyone had someone in their live who is 100 % trustworthy and all in the friendship no matter what life throws at them. I wish everyone had someone who knows almost everything about you and could care less because they love you anyway.
As we go through life, we see who can survive through the rubble that is sometimes our lives. Who stands with us tossing boulders out of our way saying...whew...what's next?
I have gotten in touch with childhood friends via Facebook but because of my choices in life as a teen, I lost touch and lost closeness with those friends. Everything has a season and those friends were there for that season in my life. I wonder what it would be like to have made better choices that would have kept me in the area,near those friends. Life would be so different.
But then I would not be able to blog the following if life had been different........
I have a BFF,Jane, she has been my friend for more years then I am going to say. We met as adults and there has been rubble in both our lives, there has been fights,laughter,distance and tears. But I know and she knows we are there in a flash. Whether it is a phone call, a favor or a down right emergency. No doubts,no matter how busy.
I also have a couple of close friends who I have met since coming to TN that I can say have been there for me more times in my life over the last few years then I have earned the right for them to be. One phone call and they come running. over and over. I don't know what I did to deserve it but if I am half the friend to them as they all are to me... I don't know I can ever repay.
My daughters are now old enough I call them my friends too. Although, I am still parenting Melissa, she is so mature that I am ok considering her a friend. I am a parent first and foremost but I am lucky to have her to talk to as well as my daughter Jill.
I am also lucky to have some family members who I am extremely close to that I know if I ever needed a shoulder....or anything...they would be there.
So for me, today is the day I appreciate my friends. God knows whose paths we need to cross and whose paths we will forever been connected.
Let your friends know you appreciate them, not everyone has 'em.
Tomorrow- smile at a stranger..it may be the nicest thing that happens to them.
I have always had a great choice of friends in my life. I made better choices of friends then I did men through the years(current hubby excluded, of course!). But I kinda take that for granted...I just always sorta thought everyone made lots of friends.
As an adult I have learned that it isn't so easy for many. Trust issues get in the way. Self esteem issues make us hesitant. But most of all, I think people screw up other people,leave damage in their wake and could care less. People can be damaging and damaged. That really makes me sad because I truly love people. Always have, I now believe that is God's love shining through me, God wants us to love people. To show people His love.
I wish everyone had a best friend. I wish everyone could laugh til they pee. I wish everyone had someone in their live who is 100 % trustworthy and all in the friendship no matter what life throws at them. I wish everyone had someone who knows almost everything about you and could care less because they love you anyway.
As we go through life, we see who can survive through the rubble that is sometimes our lives. Who stands with us tossing boulders out of our way saying...whew...what's next?
I have gotten in touch with childhood friends via Facebook but because of my choices in life as a teen, I lost touch and lost closeness with those friends. Everything has a season and those friends were there for that season in my life. I wonder what it would be like to have made better choices that would have kept me in the area,near those friends. Life would be so different.
But then I would not be able to blog the following if life had been different........
I have a BFF,Jane, she has been my friend for more years then I am going to say. We met as adults and there has been rubble in both our lives, there has been fights,laughter,distance and tears. But I know and she knows we are there in a flash. Whether it is a phone call, a favor or a down right emergency. No doubts,no matter how busy.
I also have a couple of close friends who I have met since coming to TN that I can say have been there for me more times in my life over the last few years then I have earned the right for them to be. One phone call and they come running. over and over. I don't know what I did to deserve it but if I am half the friend to them as they all are to me... I don't know I can ever repay.
My daughters are now old enough I call them my friends too. Although, I am still parenting Melissa, she is so mature that I am ok considering her a friend. I am a parent first and foremost but I am lucky to have her to talk to as well as my daughter Jill.
I am also lucky to have some family members who I am extremely close to that I know if I ever needed a shoulder....or anything...they would be there.
So for me, today is the day I appreciate my friends. God knows whose paths we need to cross and whose paths we will forever been connected.
Let your friends know you appreciate them, not everyone has 'em.
Tomorrow- smile at a stranger..it may be the nicest thing that happens to them.
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