Therapy is like a car tune up......

You know how it is...you go for a tune up for your car and they can find other things that need fixing. Well, it me that is what therapy is like.....

I wanted my daughter Melissa go see a therapist just to make sure she was ready for the world of adulthood,going to college,etc. I wanted to make sure she was emotionally healthy. She laughed and said I will go but all I will do is complain about you and Mike. So we laughed and said fine, just get our moneys worth! It was a tune up visit....

Only the therapist wanted to talk to me alone next. Then the 2 of us would go in to speak with her together. So come to find out not only do I need a tune up but my windshield wipers need replace, my timing belt is definitely off, all of my fluids are low and come to think of it...the engine is running strangely. :-/  But good news is Melissa is fine! HA!

I am glad. I need therapy. It helped me in the past many years ago and definitely is helping me now.
We have only had a few sessions but the things I am learning in there and on my own is helping my thought process. I need help and am not afraid to admit it. Back to my first posting "Be brave"
Do I want to rehash or look at things I may not want to? Heck flippin no! My childhood was a conflicting one...full of great memories and just as full of terrible ones. Even my adulthood has been less then desirable for the first half of it.   I especially don't wanna deal with my own failings or personality defects in the present. BUT if I am ever going to get rid of my mild depression,my anxiety and maybe some of my defects then I have to do the work. Work is work no matter whether it is a job, house chores or explaining into your mind. Work sucks. Work can be beneficial, rewarding.
Victorious.

I have overcome a lot in my life. I have dealt with my junk before. But it never hurts to have fresh eyes of a therapist to help you see better. Does it mean those of us in therapy are less of a woman or man? That we are crazy. Nope, in fact I believe those who go to a therapist for a tune up or more, are brave. We are better people because we ARE willing to deal with and fix things that might not only effect us but our families.

If your car was making terrible noises you would get it to a mechanic right away. If your family is making terrible noises in your ear about how you need to get check out, just do it. Do it for them but above all do it for yourself. You will be so glad you did.

The Guilt Quilt....

So I have this quilt made of guilt. Obviously not a real one but one I have made up recently.

This quilt has squares of different things I feel guilty about throughout my life. Picture a quilt. Each square is normally lovingly handmade. Stitched together carefully and almost all quilts are exquisitely beautiful.

Now picture my quilt-maybe each piece has a word, a face or an action. Stitched together so intricately that they just seamlessly go together. This is a big quilt. And actually if you were to lift it, it would be quite heavy.....lead inside each square.

I am learning though that some of these squares do not belong to me. Somehow someone else's action or words got stitched into my quilt. But because the stitches are so well done, I am feeling the guilt.
I do not know when or what happened to make the first square or to have it be so woven into my life that the size and weight of this quilt has gotten too much to hold onto.

I have always heard guilt is Satan's way of stealing your joy. Guilt is of the devil,etc  Well, if I didn't feel guilt about some things, I would think I had no conscience. BUT feeling guilty for things I shouldn't whether it be because I made a decision that is good for me but bad for someone else or someones actions make me feel guilty by association-that is Satan stealing my joy. Or maybe I made a mistake, for which I might think that others are thinking bad of me for and in fact they aren't.

So here is what I am doing with this quilt- I am working on removing it from my lap and laying it down at the feet of Jesus. As this heavy leaden quilt slips from my hands and makes its way over I will be reaching for a blanket. This blanket is so soft,so light, extremely beautiful in color and is full of joy inside. Blankets are loved on by an early age and carried until worn out. Mothers hate even throwing away their child's "blankey" because it brought joy and comfort to their child which in turn gave joy to the moms. It is THAT kind of blanket that I will embrace.

I was given a gift recently by a woman who I had never met, yet our lives are intertwined for several months right now. My guilt has been just so heavy in my heart and there was no way to let it go because I didn't know her. Her gift to me was to come up to me the other night at our first sighting and to say, I do not blame you. Do not feel guilty or bad...there is enough we have to deal with that you do not need to feel guilty or bad, LET IT GO. I was crying and thanking her-this was the start of the quilt leaving me....this gift by a stranger.

I am a good person, a child of God and no longer want to carry around this quilt. Several squares are already gone.......many more to go as well.

Therefore my heart is glad and my glory [my inner self] rejoices; my body too shall rest and confidently dwell in safety. Psalm 16: 9