As I start this entry, I have no idea what the title will be. I have several topics swirling in my head so not even sure where this will go...so hold on for the ride!
You know know what a rough year this has been for me.And you only know what I have shared, not everything. It seems like just the year of the bad happenings. I have days that are harder then those close to me even know but hang with me...this is not a depressing blog....
Monday I had a "kid free" day. My grand kids were spending the day with their dad. I had told a couple of close friends on Sunday that Monday I am unplugging from the world and having a date with God. I needed to talk to Him and get reacquainted. Monday I was starting gluten free eating.Monday was going to be the day of changes. The day I pull myself out of this puddle I am in and pull my boot straps up and say....let's get on with it, Because as my husband would tell the kids when we were going somewhere they didn't want to go-You can go and be happy or you can go and be miserable. But either way you have to go.
That is how I feel about the rest of this year.....then it hits me.....
A youth pastor intern at our old church in VA Beach told a story of being in high school goofing around with his friends at a park and he was sitting on a park bench. It was like a Tuesday and they were saying they couldn't wait for Friday to get here. (Haven't we all said that one before?) this old man was sitting on the bench and he turned to Andy and said--Why are you rushing the week? You have no clue what blessings Wednesday and Thursday may hold for you. Maybe Friday is the day you go to heaven? So why you are in a hurry to get to Friday.
That moment changed his life.
That story stuck with me.
It changes my attitude when I get to feeling like I have been lately...let's get this flippin year over with,2013 has not been kind to me.Some of the worst struggles in my life. Anyway....back to my date.....
I didn't stay totally unplugged, I did have to send a text,answer an email and I ended up on Facebook later in the night. But what my friend advised was,spend the first part of your day with God and rest of your stuff will be taken care of.
I loved my date. He listened, He talked, He comforted me when I cried and there was a lot of crying because He also opened my heart to fully expose how I have been acting. He didn't criticize, put me down, abandon me, make fun of me, judge me even. He accepted me for me and said OK. Let's chat. God simply said-here is where you are, here is where you were and here is where I want you to be. I am ashamed as a christian for not putting God first where,as Christians,we know that is where He needs to be. In EVERYTHING.
I have so many people and situations that I want to pray for, do pray for but they were all in my head. I took a pen and paper and wrote them all out. More keep flowing so more will come. But I also found on my bookshelf a couple of Joyce Meyer books I have been meaning to "get to" so I pulled on out yesterday and it was The power of Simple prayer. I think I can handle that- simple is good. I think I can handle this book and learning from it.
God doesn't want us coming to Him and saying...GAWWWWDDD my Father whoith my savior thouist...whatev......God wants us to go to him and even if we are like...
Hey- up there--I need help today. Thanks
Say what?? Yup....if that is all you can manage it is perfect. That would change in time hopefully but a simple...Ok here I am,let's conquer this day together would just delight Him.
I think you could even say Dude! Life sucks and I need your help to get to know you. He would respond. Sure- I'm here, let's talk.
Well, I guess that is what I have to say. I have realized since Jill's divorce everyone has backslid. Everyone is struggling. Not that it is the reason but it is the time frame and maybe there is/was anger in a sense as to why all that happened. Then Scott died and forget it...God had a target on his back for the angry darts I needed to toss. But Mike and I need to get on track and Monday was a start. For me. The rest of the family needs to decide on their own about stepping up their spiritual walk. The old Sandi would try to force it. This Sandi? I got my own junk to work on.
So I guess this one was truly just a rambling of an old cupcake. Not sure if there is any nuggets of anything someone could walk away with but I am glad you listened. :)
P.S. Gluten Free started today, thanks to celebrating Mike's bday late with dinner last night at Olive Garden and a certain Oooey gooey cake. :)
